To My Dearest Friend

Well, here is a series of promises that really speaks to true friendship: 1. When you are sad - I will help you get drunk and plot revenge against the sorry bastard who made you sad. 2. When you are blue - I will try to dislodge whatever is choking you. 3. When you smile - I will know you finally got laid. 4. When you are scared - I will rag on you about it every chance I get. 5. When you are worried - I will tell you horrible stories about how much worse it could be and to quit whining. 6. When you are confused - I will use little words. 7. When you are sick - Stay the hell away from me until you are well again. I don't want whatever you have. 8. When you fall - I will point and laugh at your clumsy ass. This is my oath...I pledge it till the end, because you are my friend. Remember: A good friend will help you move. A REALLY good friend will help you move a BODY. Let me know if I ever need to bring a shovel