happy holidays

MERRY CHRISTMAS!!! Good luck gays with all your family issues and may you be merry with crappy gifts, its the season to give not to recieve.
Long time no talk, let me give you some stories. well this is what I have been up to over my break…

“Mine is a story that has never been told” I would give a review of Memors of a Gisha but irronically I don’t remember very much, because before hand I went to a posh wine tasting West Omaha restaurant, were my friends and I proceeded to get plastered. We were stuck around upscale clientele in a little restaurant and it was all down hill after my friend came out from the bathroom and completely missed her chair. total biff, Hilarious. Then, the couple (John and Adam), proceed to fight. Some one was called bald and then someone else began spilling secrets of chronic bed peeing it got ugly... but kinda funny. After the wine we went to the movie but the two got in a little wrestling tiff in the theater lobby, I was in the bathroom, but the security guard had to escort them out, they came back in and began to fight by throwing money at each other (ARE YOU SERIOUS!) oh bitches. Then I blurred through the movie while the other 2 drunkenly fell asleep. After that I went home and they didnt remeber a damn thing.

Sara Jake and Sam

Yea! Bob’s 21^st. We went out and had fun, I never knew there were some awesome bars by my house. I ran into Jake, Sara, and Sam, and I had a really good conversation with them, they also complained how Brain never wants to hang out or talk. Hmm.
One of the bars was modeled after authentic German bar. There we played a game in which you drink from a 2 letter glass boot. Rules: after every drink you have to ding the boot with your finger or you sip again, you cant spill or you drink again, you cant set the boot down or you buy the next boot. Easy right, wrong. The reason it’s a boot is the air will get caught in the front until it is forced up to the toe, and because of the sudden air bubble it just goes every where forcing you to put the boot down or hand it away. LOVED IT. Then we walked over to another bar where I spilt a flaming drink everywhere. Seriously those are not a good idea. Then my other friends and Ross (read down) picked me up and I went and had more to drink at thier house where Ross immediately strip down for some reason, seriously I left the room and then I came back and there is full Ross, sitting talking to the 4 of us, but in his deffens he was in boxers and the clothes that he barrowed did look too tight and uncomfortable (and honestly if I had a body like that I prolly wouldn’t wear clothes either.) I slept on there couch until morning then went to sleep finally in my own bed that afternoon.

Can brain cells grow back?

Sunday night Brian came over, thank god, I need a little sanity. We sat watched British Comedy and talked until 3 in the morning. Damn! Still didn’t get a nights sleep. i wonder if my brain had enough time that night to grow back some brain cells, and if it didnt then at least i saved a few. Thanks buddy; I needed a little brain stimulation. It was good to see you again, how are your plans going? My offer still stands just give me a call and we will get some coffee or you can come over.

Fag Stag

I went to a little bar in North O, which was located in an old and questionable Chinese food restaurant’s basement. The place was dark, unventilated, with décor from a 1970’s Asian porn set. It was the greatest place ever. I have never had drinks so smooth and sweet and so perfect mixed, the rum tasted like water. You cant find another place like because they make most of their alcohol, that’s right the perfect moonshine ever created. After getting amazingly drunk in an amazingly quick time, I began to talk to the bar tender. So it turns out that he is distribution expert of the Omaha Newspapers. While our lovely server was the advertising head, and the ID checker was the Chief Editor, I shit you not. Apparently this was their fun job that they use to chill out. I got some business cards, sent a priest a shot, lit my drink on fire and left. After that it was a bit of a blur, I was on my way home and wound up at some Mexican wedding and ate some delicious cake. Then I wound up at a gay bar were I called my DD to come and get me. My straight friend bob came over to get me, walk in sat down and before he said anything he had a drink sent to him. It ended up I drove my DD home and bob crashed on my couch. aww

am i the only onw who thinks vadka is tasty?

Next was a 21^st birthday party of an old high school buddy, Kyle Lynn. Naturally by the time I arrived he was pretty wasted and I was allergic to the dog. So I won a bet of two dollars by drinking the rest of a vodka bottle. I mainly led Kyle to the bathroom to sleep (a great 21^st tradition) and went home.

I cant wait until i am 40!

The start of the week and the end of the semester I wound up at a bar and decided to kill off all of my brain cells that I have earned and I did good. I also met a guy who was young (19), good looking, smart, kind, nicely built, the wrestling coach at UNO and a full ride to Crighton, with a nice ass, and who is (greatest point) open -but isn’t fem or a whore, named Ross. He just likes 40 year old guys: damn! My friend recommended him to me because he was looking to move out and I had and lets just say i now have room open. I can only image the problems this would cause. I know better and the dramas of the situation… but I don’t know how to say keep your muscular, well toned body out of my apartment. *sigh*

School

I AM FUCKING DONE!!!!!
FUCK YOU SEMESTER

The Adrenalin Final

So my teachers all decided to help me out and place all of my finals during dead week! It really isn't good because I had no time to prepare. Not to mention I only was only able to make it to one class last week due to illness and and my plain didn't come into Omaha until late Monday night and missed my class on Friday to make up a lab and a part 1 of the communication final. On top of not knowing the finals until the week of: I, today, I showed up 45 mins late for the 1 hr final. After waking up at 8 because my alarm didn't go off (but I put a second on my phone in fear that something like would happen and made it only 10 mins late to my appointment) I put my self in the library to study for my two remaining accumulative finals skipping my early morning class to make sure there was enough time allowed to study. Usually when I leave that I get a bite to eat and have an 1 and 45 min break. Well, I guess not goin to the class threw off my brain's schedule so when the appointment got out I only had just 1 hour. So I sat and studied until 1:40 (when my class started at 1:00) thinking i had 2 hrs then, walked over to class. But wait, you might say, if you left at 1:40 you should have had only been 40 mins late... Well I thought I was 20 mins early so I stood out side the class and talk with my friend for 5 mins because the room looked empty. Well was I sure surprised when I got inside, what had happened quickly swirled in my head as my doom came together, and there was no way I could go over 15 mins even if I asked the teacher b/c my next final was directly after. Took the test, finished in 13.5 mins (1.5 mins left!), adrenalin works wonders people!

Eww...

So, upon return i was striken with the worste case of food poisoning i have ever experienced. i was puking on ht hour every hour. i feel sorry for my roomate. on top of that i missed even more school and my PR group is trying to kick me out! you dont show up for 1 week and it all goes to hell with out me. it was also a messy situation as adam found out about John taking me and to him, although the funny thing was he wasnt really that mad at me because "well, i know for a fact you never had sex with him." but yes it was a welcome back to omaha with violent throwing up and reltionship rage issues that i would only expect here. at least i am well enought to type.
Advice of the Day: when constantly vomiting one must be sure to not become dehydrated, the easiest liquid to hold daown: apple juice. it also make the throwing up better because it taste the same going up as going down.

The Bitch is Back

and alive and well... almost. it was a good time had by all, i am sure sometime i will write all the stories up here. i just need to collect my thoughts so here is a review, monday: land land there, meet his Feisty grandma and bitch-tastic sis (loved them both) saw the Blue man group, went to thanksgiving dinner and talk about dead bodies, christians and how the morgue has been called twice for John’s father after his blood analysis showed 7x the limit of oxycoton, went to a vip club, met the trust fund of Oriental Trading Co. but was too drunk to shake his hand because I had an empty bottle of Crystal in one and a quarter empty one in the other. Second day saw the strip, saw Zumanity, went to a gay club invited the strippers I thought were cute up to our private bungalow (gross/no personalities) took care of john, made it back all while I had Bercardi O in one hand and Sky Vodka in the other. Next day went to a fashon show and ‘high end retail,’saw Ka, went to gay club with our private booth, was asked TO strip, got carried to my room. Slept in until 4:00, went over priced shopping again, Out let Mall, The Forum, Bilaggio (I had my finances screwed up, “$356 for jeans it’s a deal,” saw O, went to sleep early. Got up, did last minute shopping, left for the airport. Oh the stories!
“I would love to see your point of view but I cant stick my head that far up my ass” (loved the grandma)
Famous Quotes:
“You were having too much fun in that pile of Toilette paper”
“Eww, I can still taste the stripper”
“Did you just backhand the old Chinese man... now we are cursed!”
“hey do you wanna come to the school library... your where?”
(To a homeless man) “well do you have change for a $100?"

Ill Cover You

Open your door I'll be your tenant
Don't got much baggage To lay at your feet
But sweet kisses I've got to spare
I'll be there - I'll cover you

I think they meant it When they said you can't buy love
Now I know you can rent it A new lease you are, my love,
On life - be my life

Just slip me on I'll be your tenant
Wherever - whatever - I'll be your coat

You'll be my king And I'll be your castle

I think they meant it When they said you can't buy love
Now I know you can rent it A new lease you are, my love,
On life - all my life

I've longed to discover Something as true as this is

So with a thousand sweet kisses If you're cold
I'll cover you And you're lonely With a thousand sweet kisses
I'll cover you You've got one nickel only
With a thousand sweet kisses I'll cover you
When you're worn out and tired With a thousand sweet kisses I'll cover you
When your heart has expired

i cant wait until i see Rent again. i am going tonight and i am very excited, the play brings up so many memories from so many different people. and after the late night at the movies ill be up earliy the next morning to got to Las Vagas. i dont know how much i will post about it (what happens in Vagas stays in Vagas) but i am sure to have some photos. well i hope every one's Thanks giving is full of joy and good luck with the shopping afterward. with a thousand sweet kisses, bye.

Quote of the Week

worst pick up line: "hi, my name is Jason... i dont know if i should tell you this (he says with out hesitation) but my last name is Deffenbaugh, as in the trash service" *threw up a little in the back of my mouth*
eh, i hate insipid spoiled trust fund brats, stop hitting on me. just because you lay down twenty that they didnt earn and a last name that you didnt make, am i supposed to drool? get a better pick up line than "my daddy's name is..." i don't care, anyone who knows me realizes that its going to take a little more than a wade of crash to make conversation. i am bored with money and the lack of personality it brings.
Over the weekend i went to a seedy straight bar on karaoke night as a safe place for me. However, some tall skinny queeny guy comes up stuffs his number in my pocket and talks about his house near by that his father bought him. he invited me over before he even knew my name. i dont know i try and be freindly, but do i really care about another trust fund. i feel bad because i faked a phone call and just left bar. it was rude but i dont think he was understanding that his advances weren't going to get him any where. should i even allow him to get an offer of friendship or an appology? and yes i know his name is "posted every 5 feet in this city," but its on a dumpster.

Oh Crap!

well i saw harry potter yesterday at like 12:00 so i didnt get back to my apartment until 4:00 a.m. so what time did i wake up today.. 5:30 p.m.! i nver saw the sun. well i am going to have do my paper tonight because i guess i have become nocternal. but the movie was good, it's Harry Potter so usually its pretty good quality. i would see it in the theater, but i wouldn't wait in line for three hours. i would give it *****

Alive

i am still here, not dead (although there is a part of me that wishes i was). i am regaining my voice after i lost it, i also start my first day off of training for my new job. i am not really looking forward to it but it lets me schedual my own hours and its not too difficult. i am also packing for my unusual thanksgiving. there is still a part of me that wants to go to Gothenburg, a little west nebraska town, and see some of my really hick, morman cousins and eat the most delicious food you have ever smelled or tasted. if i would be there i would be really bored and sit trying to make conversation with my old grandpa (i love him but he is cranky). i dont know if he will be around for very long hopefully ill see him over christmas. i am totally excited to go to LV but i will still miss my turkey and my grandma. well this is a once in a lifetime experience.

Today...

The First Snow.

Photos

awww.. i was just givin these pictures of other halloween parties. to be honest i do not really want to write a lot. its kind of becaoming the same old same old of gluttony, debauchery, waist and experimentation. I have had some interesting experiences some I am not so proud of some that are cool but all in all I am keeping my head above water (and debating how honest I should be on my site). Just a short story, merely because I love contrast or ironies. I spent all afternoon digging for change and asking strangers for quarters, me and two other friends raised enough money to go buy a plate of chicken wings at Buffalo Wild Wings. on the walk there I received a call informing me in ten days I was going to be dragged to Las Vegas... “for the hell of it .” I was close to asking him for the money that I would cost to fly, house, shop and feed me in cash to pay the $800 dollars I owe for a fender bender. That fucked up my checking account, Later Everybody.

Jet and Jar

On Saturday I went to go see blue October as many of you know. I went with Gooch and his girlie friend, Melissa, Charles and Sharon who all loaded into the Sokol Underground. I was running late so I walked in as the opening band, Seffrajet, was finishing up their set and I went into the beer line, $4 per bottle. After that, Blue October took the stage and fucking rocked! I had known their music and many of my friends had CDs but I never officially bought one. But even no knowing the lyrics or the songs I still had an awesome time and became a major fan. God, I love good live music. After the concert I hung out back stage with the bands and was invited to their after party VIP room (FULL OF FREE FOOD!) in an Iowa bar. This happened because my friend Sharon wanted to buy a poster, so I stat at the end of the merchant table while she waited in line. Then a lady asked if would help her carry a box and I was like 'sure' (didn’t want to be rude). So, I picked up the box and fallowed and she lead me back stage. While I was doing the I looked down and saw it was a bunch of poster for the opening band in the box, then I quickly realized that the girl I was helping was the lead singer for the band. after I dropped off the box in the dressing room, she gets out 2 poster and passes them around then offers my free drinks (fuck yea!). Then she gives me the two posters one signed by Seffrajet and the other signed by Blue October and asked if I wanted to come to the bar. uh, duh, so my adventure continued and at 12:30 Sharon and I were off to Iowa! and then we got horribly, sadly, pitifully Lost. But I gave up and decided to just drive straight, and to my surprise it worked. we just ended up at the bar (no thanks to the 3 completely wrong directions from people). We fought to get some drinks and eventually found the band, the lead singer a little wasted got my number and tried to kiss me on my check, but missed… and made out with my right eye. so we left at like 2:15 went back to the dorms where I got to see a wasted Sharon smear lipstick over her face, and saw Fernando's new game of jumping on furniture to Spanish pop music and talked to Omar over the phone (there was not a sober soul in a 10 mile radius of me). but I made home before 3 so it was all good.
Look into It: Seffrajet and Blue October
the next day after locking myself away in the library to get a head on my work, I got out and went to dinner with John and Adam. ok, filets are way too small, I was about to order two but that would have been impolite. I also had some really good ice cream with chocolate and vanilla liquore (it was good, but even the ice cream was alcohol with these guys). Then went to Jarhead, it was a good movie. Don’t expect one of those over the top hero epics, but a more realistic image of shit which is what made it so good. It was great, I would defiantly suggest it, a little slow in some part but and incredible character development, it is so gradual and realistic the you don’t even notice the man's change until you look back at the film. However, I have my suspicions that the movie was just propaganda for Jake's ass. Loved the field fuck scene, seriously see it. I would give it *****

First Halloween Pic!

um you can tell i was drunk because i obviously do not know where the camera is. but thats Carry and I on Halloween.

a weeks rest

*disclaimer- let me brag for a little, really dont even read* for the first time in the last two weeks i stayed home and sat around, did nothing productive nor did i go out. yes, it was a good day. through out the week i did several things: i saw house of wax and yes paris hilton was as bad as you get when it comes to acting. but to my surprise it wasnt that bad of a movie (once again ignore the awful acting). i wouldnt waste the money to rent it but if its on watch it. John, a trustifarian ironically like paris hilton, was the one who collects movie memorabilia and lives in a condo in regency and converted his dining room into a blockbuster. his favorite thing to do is buy movies every tuesday. later we went to this bar called flixx, i have never heard of it before but i met some people and hung out with John and Adam again. then we all went out to eat. ok these guys ordered meals, 2 appetizers and shakes ect ect. there whole goal was "by the end of the night we will make kids in Semolina cry" and when i asked for a to go box… they all just looked at me like i was crazy. i think i actually insulted and embarrassed them! but f*ck that i want my left over food, i never waste that sh*t. after that John, Adam, I and my friend Dan (ill be nice to you and not say anything mean like “was there a single person there that you didnt ‘know’ oh yea, the lezbians”) went to the Q and watched armature strip night. just so you know the Q is in Lincoln so i had made huge arrangements to announce my coming and made sure everything was settled. there i met the upper crest of the community, ok let me brag... i met up with the guy from Dolce, an ultra exclusive hair salon that only goes on reservation, i thought it was an urban legend. but john got us in only a few months ahead of time, crazy huh! on the way home i sobered up, watched p*rn on the new video ipod and I, unlike other people that night *cough* had the decency to fo ol around in the back seat of my friends car... I AM JUST KIDING! I don’t really know what days these all took place and am sure there were black outs, school seemed to be just the nap in between. I know this sounds worse then it actually is. Don’t worry I am still the same judging, prude, pretentious bast*rd that you have all come to love. so, here's to finaly not coming home drunk or with a black eye or a bloody crow bar.. well i am finally off to sleep and tomarrow i get to go to the Blue October show and Sokol i love that place. peace out

X-me

W00t W00t, i got to hold Wolverine's actual blades from the new X-men movie... it was so awsome i was like "hugh jackman was using these! get them away i might brake them."

Happy Halloween

Ok, so i love Halloween and i dont know why, maybe its the time of year, maybe its the dark fun underlining message, maybe its the candy and parties, maybe its the themes and being mischievious, maybe it my chance to be some one else or maybe its an excuse to let lose and do something totally absuerd. i used to HATE it as a kid but now jump in with all its glory, not to metion this is the first major holiday i didnt have to work through i had a week of fun that happened to land over a holiday. For my special celebration i went to the Max and got obliterated with my friend Carry. i had a good time, it started off slow but then i soon picked up. I met a trust fund baby who loaded me so full of free shots I lost count with in the first hour, a guy in the fantastic - out fit and licked alcohol off my abs, flirted with a bartender who gave me free jello shots, and some German dude who bought me drinks. Yea I was in trouble… although this time Carry didn’t leave me in a Walgreen’s bathroom (yea I didn’t think about that until it was too late, but she did good). Might I add that it was amazing how many guys wore their actual army uniforms there. But from what I can remember it was fun. First and last time i will party on a Monday (so missed my class today), now back to being a book worm sitting in the library for most the day, got to love that little change of pace though. How was everyone elses' Halloween.

I saw saw

well on sunday i planned to do my work catch up, i stayed at the library form 12 to 6 and got it all finished up. after that i ran home and got dressed quickly (not remembering it was daylight savings and wondering if i was going to make the movie on time) and forgot my belt which was lovely cause as i walked down the movie isle i had popcorn, wallet and keys in one hand and slushy, cell phone and jacket in the other and my pants started to fall down. thanks Brian for pulling them back up when i asked... i always knew you had my back.
Anyways, i was not very impressed by the movie, it wasn't that scary, twisted or creative like the last one. there was no intensity and the gore wasn't even as good there was like only one sick scene in the beginning... GOD EYE THINGS CREEP ME OUT, but mostly people just kinda fainted and died, worthless. the acting sucked too but that was a given. next time a horror movie decides to put 7 beautiful people in a house together for Halloween there better be blood!
rating: *****
Quote of the week, after the final destination preview: "those who made it out of the ice-cream truck in time survived!"

Out of League

*Disclaimer: Read my blog at face value. i unfortunately do not have the spare time to meticulously reread my blog especially if i am invited to a movie and only have 15 mins to finish my thoughts (i cant just drop a story) and run... you should be thankful i had complete sentences.*
so, on friday i went out again, but this time as an army guy. i just went to a little party (when i showed up i doubled the amount of people there, jk but it was still small). i hung out there for a little and did not do much. After that i left and picked a friend of mine to go to the Midnight showing of Nightmare Before Christmas. it was fun, i hadnt seen the whole movie until that night. i met up with a few people and we made comments or sang along. also, i got very excited because for the first time... i saw the previews for 'Rent' on the big screen, i can not wait. all in all it was a good relaxing evening that allowed me to get to sleep at 2:00, awesome.
the next day i woke up called about the roaches in my apart (no one came down), called customer support to figure out why my internet doesnt work (couldnt get through it was a fax number) and returned a call to a women i accidentally rear ended and broke a tail light in the morning (found out the estimate was $800). after that i went to go pillage at my parents house. it was cool because my grandparents are in town baby sitting for my parents while they're in Spain. so i got food and had a little extra money in my pocket. later, i left and ended up at a party with all my nerdy UNO friends, all dressed as pirates, Dorthy, Zelda and shit.
i also had some hypnotic and it was sooo good. soon i left and went to the big S.A.E. frat house Halloween party and hang with my slutty UNO friends. it was fun i got to see old grade school people drunk whoring themselves out. it was a pretty good time, i hung with a lot of people from my old drama class and got a little drunk. i was also introduced to a guy, one of those your gay... he's gay, they're perfect together. yea not so much.

The Drama Transfer

*Disclaimer: if you dont really want to know what i have been up to then dont read, i am tired of editing my names situations and walking on egg shells, so if you dont like it tough shit*

for Halloween i have been goin as a cub scout ;-) what has everyone else gone as?

well i have been hanging out with JC's friends lately and apparently it pisses him off. he must find it some sort of betrayal, so when they all came up Wednesday, LOL, i got invited to the Q. i was even offered a ride. LOL, me showing up with all of JC's dear pals to the club that he is at would be too funny and i do need to depend fate. i couldn't help but think about me further tightening my social choke hold. In fact as others found out about it they made plans to go and see it all unfold. But i also saw the fear in the eyes of some of his most closest friends, you know the look that screams Gay Drama! So i bowed out gracefully because i didn't want them to have to experience JC's pissy wrath. GOD DAMN DRAMA!
Instead my friends here in Omaha, seeing my plan of doom, decided to keep me here. So we went the Roxbury instead and i had a total blast. This club is of the ghetto/rap variety, so i loved it. We all got in constume and i was the only guy of six girls, so i had my hands full. Basically my duty was that if a guy was grinding on them or hitting on them i just go over put my arm around them and dance (so the guys just walk away). There were also a bunch of buff guys dressed as Chip and Dales dancer so it was hard to keep my hands in check. i also met up with some people from the dorm and made plans to hang out with them afterwards.
on our way Home we took pictures with real cops, reverse backward across three lanes of traffic while Kristin (Driver) screams "I WANNA SUCK COCK" out the window.
i left those crazy, horny bitches and wound up at the dorms with Sharon, Fernando (or as Kristin calls him Francisco/Frachesco/Fresca) and some more people. we went dorm hopping and Fernando took his pants off to go hug the straight but in his defense it was part of his costume (by the way, what it with gay Mexicans and gogo dancing anyway). i was envious of his track runner legs tho, by the end of the night after wandering around campus at 4 am wrapped in quilts (i have to get the security feed of that) we ended up at Fernando's dorm where we went into his room and turned off the lights and where he presented the wrapper and began to tare it open. i took it from him to look at it and saw that it was not a condom wrapper but individually wrapped tylonol PM. Moment over. Made fun of his game for the rest of the night, as if we would have done anything any way, pshh, please. well i finally woke up next to someone and made it to class on time but we'll see what drama come from me sleeping with Fernando. good grief.

no idea what i am doin

had a huge weekend, lots to say but dont really feel like it. thanks to josh, ben, mike and callie (and sam kinda) for helping me move into my new apartment, i have given my invitation to come over when you please. as for callie i will probably just give u a key to the place so you can come over when you want because you were superwoman, mi casa su casa chica. as for those who "couldn't help" i am sure you might see my new digs eventually, maybe. if i can talk to you and get around to asking you to come over sometime down the road (i dont plan on being there very often for some reasons). Once again THANK YOU its you'all who make my life easier (even if you only had to carry a house plant)

new record

the following day i got written up again... three times in two days, i have really out done myself. then again, in all consideration, i worked hour for hour an entire buisness week in one weekend but still 3 write ups in 5 shifts, thats a lot. well i guesss if i really dont like my job i cant help but show it.

oh god what have i done

why am i at this job, i dont like it and it does not pay me well. i worked from 10:30 am to 11:00 pm. i had to deal with a screaming child (who would run people from my section) and the worst thing ever... a table full of modles. one got up and started running around the resturant and threw a fit, i am not talking about the kid i am talking about the modle. not to mention the sheer amount of alcohol running through their systems was horrifying. oh, and then soon after i spilt hot chicken liguine and it poured down the front of me, so i had to food run (again) for the next 2 hours with crap and stains all over my self which went from looking like vomit to jiz to blader problems it was incredible. only to be topped off by getting written up twice in one day... oh this job is soo through. well midterm week is over but i work so much i wouldnt know that i have a day off because i work over 70 hrs a week. i dont know when i will write my 3 different papers. the only thing getting me through this week is that i saw Brian Vamousi (my high school crush) and he waved me down and ran, with those strong muscular legs, to say "hi" and ask how it was going, i unfortunaly lost control of my verbal skills and forgot even my major when he asked. ok, it has been a really long and bad week. God Give Me a Break... or at the very least kill me.

This week's sum up

grrrrrrr!!!!! fuck bitch whore dick slut cunt bastard asshole cock sucking skank peice of shit crapfaced ugly SOB dumb ass fucktarded fat ho'bag... and no one even knows yet what i will am shouting about either
(*brian i will call you later*)

threat

"Don't let war destroy the world of children" -fallows the recent UNICEF ad.

thanks to me, i have being keeping up international ads for my major and here is an interesting one. it fundraises for children of war. the 'smurf ad' is being ran in Belgium and starts with into music to the smurfs as the camera fallows through the woods to the smurf's village (with the usual singing and dancing)thne the camera shoots up to plains flying over that drop s. screaming and crying fallows while reshowing the building in the previos scene burning. soon the screaming dies out and all that is left is the echoing cries of baby smurf while a blue hand lies in the rubble and smurfett lying near by. i thought it would be funny but it was acutally hard to see icons of inoccencent childhood burned and left for . i wonder if it will be well recieved or not?

Loooosers

Haha, Texas Tech beat UNL... the Big Red can sock on the BIG One and it was an awsome game. those who know me know how unlikely it is for me to find watching footall very entertaining.

Are You A Bitch

i found these in the recent cosmo, and anyone who knows me knows why it's kinda funny...
"-you believe in the survival of the fittest.
-okay, maybe you shouldnt have spread the word around school that the Fraternity President has sex with goats, but whatever.
-during your annual preformace review, your manager frequently uses words like aggressive, one-track, and merciless.
-in an effer to be a better friend, you tell your gall pal that her new guy- you know, the one she's madly in love with- is, well, ugly.
-your last boyfriend broke up with you complaining of metal abuse. when you see him at a bar, he hide and sheilds his face, the wimp! (okay mine run)
-you call the shots in your social crew because they mess everything up, which you tell them- regularly. "
-p 184

Quote of the week

"It is if you act as weird as you are acting, you nutcase."

me in the midst of riots, broadway, and graffiti

so, i was able to lie and leave work yesterday so that i could run up to Lincoln for a step competition with renee. a step is a dance normally associated with black fraternities and sororities in which they will cerograph stomps, grind and yell chants. there really cool to watch. i was able to get on campus parking for UNL and broke in to the coliseum for the show (i am not going to spend $3.00!). it was a total blast except for that one 'source awards moment' when a frat said "we dont need no alfas, no gammas, no kappas..." and almost started a bit of a riot but other than that i had soo much fun. not to mention i was able to get a groove on with 'gold digger.' and later on, one of the fraternities made outfit out of cheap canvas which would accidentally slowly rip and deteriorate in all the right places (its the classiest way to describe it). by the end everyone was just cheering for them to take it off... and i must say it was nice.
after that i went to a coffee house with skankslut to fill out paperwork for an apartment i probably wont get.
later around 11:00 pm renee had to go back to her work, at the Leid Preforming Center, to get a book she had left. she had access into the main entrance and then we proceeded to brake into the Theater and behind the Scene for a new Broadway show. we made acted secret agents (with awsome posses) as we ran around the costume rooms and massive back stage unlocked corridors. we ran into a janitor but renee knew him so everything was cool. we didnt want to get her fired or get me killed by falling sand bags or open trapped doors so we decided to leave and went back to her dorm, and what dorm building did she live in... Cather the same one as JC (I will publish what i want, who i want, when i want because it my blog). i was nervous at first and we went to the room quickly and i was going to make sure to avoid him. but i needed, NEEDED to tempt fate, its what i do. so we went up to the 12th floor (once again my blog!) to show renee his room. i quickly slipped into the stairs but i think he saw me and then met again in her room. i couldnt just leave it at that we had to do something rambunctious . so as me and renee discussed 3 other people on the floor began talking to us- and thus began the plot. one would call him down to help with a sewing problem while the other 2 and me would run up the stairs. when we got to the 12th floor entrance we would unpack... the tape, napkins, catch-up and tampons. back to the secret agent mode, while one would make the bloody tampons the other two posted them on the door and around his door knob. i of course put the finishing touches of smearing the red napkin down the front of the door and leaving the trash there. it was way too much fun, in hindsight i think he'll probably take offence to it but, oh well. the way i deal with situations is to either yell or make a joke out of it, i dont care any more so i joke and fuck around. i figure it was the better of the two. think of it as a bloody tampon-like olive branch of peace. all in all the night quenched my thirst for brake-ins and i purely enjoyed my self with total satisfaction, not to mention having enough eye candy for weeks.

my life in fast foward...

Howdy y’all, sorry I have been out for way too long, dealing with houses, school, advisors, jobs, customers, men, women, friends and lover… really in general people and stuff. First up, I hate my job. My bosses are now treating my like , and I work 8 shifts (6-8 hrs) in only one week (only seven days), I work double shifts. And because I have a day off to day that means, ill work 5 shifts (a normal business week) in on weekend- fri, sat and sun. not only are they literally working me to they also keep me for serving, they make me train, a week after I have finished training, the make clean the restaurant, even the table bases, and the make me food fun, even though I already had 2 tables which means I left and got no tip. This whole minimum wage thing is not working out.
As for the love life well that’s both a long and short story. Guys meet me or approach me and I run in a tragic fury to never loose my sanity again. With in the being of the school year I have been approached by at least 3 guys, all of whom are attractive some what well minded (well two of them are normal) but I just can’t get my self to care or like them back. I know they are nice and pretty but I just don’t like them or the idea of dating.
I have also been searching for apartments which have been driving me insane. I can not take it. All relaters are asinine! There is a reason they have resorted to apartment sales, its just a sad group of life failures that are a few seconds away from realizing it and about brake. It really is only luck that they have survived this long and been able to make a mild profit or that they are to afraid to kill themselves due to further failure of that too. One didn’t even know where his own building was! Well I have stories of each don’t really know if ill expand on any of them, unless u feel it necessary to know the full story then by all means I will spill my guts.
Oh and absolutely thrilling news I might go to London over the summer for class internships on international relations, wahoo! But that is a big if, I won’t know until the semester end, I had done everything that I could its up to fate, or God, or Buddha or whatever.

WTF

worst day of my work life... ever!

The Last Day of Summer

For what seemed to be only a second "God gave me style and gave me grace and put a smile upon my face." how else would you explain the most brilliant performances of your life time. When I regain consciousness from my euphoria can say more.

side note: the name of the opening was Rilo Kiley, good band.

I went to try out for the real wolrd...

Today I went on a road trip with my friend Vince. I woke up got around made it to school for my one class then spontaneously decided to go try out for the Real World Key West auditions in a neighboring city. My friend Vince (aka V.D.) and I, the only ones who could do something as spontaneous as that, left just for the hell of it. We knew for a fact we weren’t going to make it on, were not pretty, stupid, drunk and sl utty (well… I am not) but did it just to say “we tried out for the Rea World.... and got rejected.” They were held in Lincoln so I have been meaning to go up and take care of some unfinished business after I swore I would never return. I went to the ipod store (the only one in NE) and then burned like 10 or 12 cds that I have never heard of from my cool emo friend Rebecca.
At the casting is was amazingly uncrowded, thank god for the Nebraska mentality (it aint worth it if I have to get up or expand my comfort space). It was a total blast, for the application we had fill out things like “what is your most embarrassing moment?” which is hilarious to find stuff like that out each other. Eventually, we ended up talking to the sitting next to us (or rather we stole her seat) and then began to talk with a group of people in front of us that had just all recently met too (one of those: this is cool, it seems like I have known you guys forever). Every one there was really funny, good looking, active and honest but also mellow. The best way to describe it was we didn’t make conversations or small talk but had conversations. It created a great atmosphere, I just wanted to take all those people and put them in a party with me or something. Needless to say no one got a call back but it was so fun just meeting strange and different people who were unique and wanted to show the world all while putting your self in an awkward situation. We had to tell things about ourselves to a formal group of 12, and for the first time VD publicly admitted he was gy. After that I chilled a the dorms with Vince’s friends and met more people who were cool. Then about four hours later and a foosball tournament, plates of spaghetti and funny stories traded back and forth me and VD went for the road trip back and sang along to the theme song “Scotty doesn’t know” while we discussed maturity levels and how this is the best day since the summer has ended.
Tomorrow I can’t wait its road trip #2 with me and brian to Kansas City! For the Cold Play concert I hope every one is as excited as me.

Work

I Finally Got a Job!!! i am sure you all will be hear about it from here on out. i am now working part time at the Up Stream Brewing Company in the historical old market (meaning... ill have to drive over 400 city blocks a day. its the only place hiring, and now i must move in with SkankSlut). Wahoo

what i use my mastercard for...

shots and drinks $30.00, Emergency/treatment rm $438.27, Ancillaries $233.25, Laboratory tests $489.65, Emergency/treatment rm $135.74, Council Bluffs Fire Dept Ambulance $445.00, Mileage $12.00. Total $1618.17... have the worste 21st ever priceless, or way to mother f*cking expensive, oh hell i am sooo calling my inssurance!

Funny Line

"Matt if it werent for bad luck you would have no luck at all."

Found this sad line:

Let my hart be made of stone and become strong as to never fall for fools love.

Busy day: movie to watch, song to listen to, and a fact to know

A word to the wise, I so lament the fact of being told “we were such a cute couple.” It tends not to help the situation.
Well, it was an interesting day I was able to sleep in until 11:00 and woke up with the sun. I went and exercised then relaxed and ate some thia food. After that I watched a deep philosophical movie called What the Bleep do We Know (quick shout out, awesome movie) and sipped a glass of Hennessy Coniac, what else would you have to drink that would accompany such a movie with deep issues about the human body and its emotional spirit. After that I lounged and ate a hamburger and watched Family Guy. Through out the day I received condolences on my recent grievances which were much appreciated. Having people around right now is always good. Just someone to relate or even get things off my chest are always a relief and keep me mentally sane, not to mention it keeps me occupied, which is good, as to not allow my mind to wander into dark corners. Thank you. An interesting side effect of all this is that I have been given songs to listen too, here are some: Mariah Carey shake it off, Fatty Koo its over, Christina Agualra stronger and my favorite Cher this is a song for the lonely (this one was obviously Bryans). But the song I would suggest is Jem finally woke up, it shows my more positive attitude that I am maintaining from when I opened my eyes today.
Another interesting fact that I have learned is from the movie. Did you know it was documented that when Columbus slowly sailed his 3 missive vessels towards the Caribbean islands the indigenous people never noticed the substantial ships approaching to dock. It wasn’t until the wise shaman notice waves or ripples from the sea and traced them out ward. Only then after being told by the shaman did the people actually see the ominously large armada. Its amazing really, the power of denial is easily the strongest binding force we have.
“Matt I didn’t know things between us had gotten so bad” I had no reply to that statement because I too hadn’t realized how bad and how obvious things were, I had seen them but it took them being said by him for me to truly realize what was going on. I still can’t except he was a lair, deceiver, and would do all of this to me.

Truth

I was short changed, cheated and deceived. Who did he get with over me you say, none other than the Mascot for UNL Herby Husker. THAT’S RIGHT HERBY F***ING HUSKER! Yea, sadness. If your going to continually do something like that behind my back then at least do it with something worth while. I should have saw it coming. That picture is of JC, if you remember he was the guy at pride week who went to go talk with ugly leaving me alone and later threw me to the concrete, gave me a rather insulting excuse to skip my 21st birthday, then hung up on me when I said “I was put into the ambulance...” burnt me with his cigarette (but couldn’t hear me yell because the music was too loud), would go out drinking and introduce me to all the people who he had slept/made out/groped previously to me, got drunk on a weekly basis and go to a gy bar and pick up guys there (for example his sister is in the hospital right now and I would offer any help I could to him, even driving 5 hours but instead he got wasted and went to watch men strip.)
Previously, he gotten drunk went to the Q. I called him the next day and asked how his night was and he replied “I got home so late I only got 4 hrs of sleep.” Then a little paranoid I asked what time he woke up, he said “around 7” meaning that he got home around 3, but bars here close at 1a.m. So he was forced to tell me that he met with this guy (Herby) whose pick up line was “I can make you a turkey sandwich at my place” (seriously, this is what I was passed up for.) I backed down and didn’t get in the way but he said liked me and they just had a really boring conversation, … for three hours, drunk, after meeting at a gy bar. “oh matt you must think I am the worst person ever. Sorry.”
Fallowing that day I drove up to Lincoln to see him, but only to get the reply “well, do what you want I am going to a party.” Angry, I stayed and called him in an hour told him I was coming over stood for two minutes and left. Then sent a text “have fun with hurby” he immediately called back, and I said “I wont get in your way”, he replied “It’s not like that at all, Matt I really like you. I would hate to know what you think of me. I am soo sorry” I sat there outside the dorm comforted him. At this time I would no longer do any perusing (as I told my friend Jordan “I don’t want to get in the way or be a burden”).
Later, with the encouragement of brian, I would go to a club with him and for the entire night deal with people saying “remember that time we got drunk, made out, and almost did me”. After discussing it Jordon encouraged me and said it shouldnt matter he likes you more than any one else, and “its sad cause JC likes you more than you like him” (which wasn’t the case look at all I have done and time wasted- its only I just decided to back off) but I still asked and questioned about him not sure if JC was deeply retarded. Which brings us to this weekend, I had three days open and free, that last big weekend before my job would start, and I was going to spend it missing my tournomant and friends birthday to help him reach his hospitalized sister. But, plans fell through and it is still decided that I would spend the weekend with him, “matt your company would be much appreciated right now.” I would sit at home on Friday waiting come up late because he wanted to see a movie. When I do come of course we go drinking (he couldnt do anything else). The night ended and we walk back, he touches me and rubs my back and I don’t mind, we jump up on a large rock in front of the capital building and I stare at the sky talking to him. We continue our walk and I make jokes about his other boys and he replies “its not like that” and that he likes me; but in a few minutes he says: right now its soo tough choosing between you and hurby because I live 30 mins away and it would never work out because it would be too much work for him for me to drive (!?). then, he’ll continue to compare me to hurb and how I come up short. Ill find out that everything that I have done with JC he has done to Hurby. It was soo tough for him, oh what problems he must have choosing between TWO guys and he’ll give a fake sob (he had no tears but I did). JC knowingly put himself in this position and now must take the consequences, but I was an bystander and now I’m hurt. There were two guys and I was one, do you know how awful that is to feel, how low you become, how unextraordinary and unworthy. I feel nothing but shock and depression. He talks and says he has been trying to tell me this for awhile. I have given him chance after chance and all he did was pout and lie. It didn’t have to be this was, he was given chances, even before we went out to the bars I made jokes about his attractions to mascots and he smiled put me in his bed and said “its not like that.”
After the talk we go back to his room and he asks me to stay (IN THE VERY BED THAT THE OTHER GUY HAS BEEN SPLEEPING IN), teary eyed but still strong I try to get a hold of some UNL friends but no one picks up, its too late late. I grab my stuff and walk out , he drunkenly says “Matt do you feel sorry for me” then rolls over. I walk to the elevator alone passing up the guys sitting in the hallway again, I can only image what they were thinking “here is another guy coming out of JC’s room.” I only feel shame and taken advantage of. I go home, wasting $40 in gas, missing my tournament in Lincoln and leaving my plans to hang with friends. I cry so hard I pull over and puke. I call the one person up, Omar, and he nicely talks to me on the way home. I wake up LIVID, boiling red, with hatred of being mislead. Then JC calls my final words are: “Do you know that EVERY conversation you say sorry! There is no forgiveness left. You treated my like sh*t, left me alone, you lied and you said ‘there was nothing between you two’ and that ‘you must think I am the worst person’ well I finally do. My weekend is a bust. I CAME UP TO HELP YOU! I have no money, feeling hurt. But at least I have my dignity b/c I always knew to never f*ck a loser. I can only hope you can be screwed over by a friend too, you lazy drunk self centered f*cked-up sl ut. Sorry, I have finally come to my senses and I will never see you again. Goodbye” Normally I would wish him to go to hell, but instead I’ll wish him something much worse, that someday he will meet someone just like him and then be treated like the lowest form of crap.


yea, herbie in on the right, my friend dan in the middle, and lil' red on the left. its sad, my brothers have beat up this mascot on more than one occasion. look down for his pick.

the leason learned

When I, thought I knew you. Thinking, that you were true. I couldn't trust 'Cause your bluff. Time is up 'Cause I've had enough. You were there by my side. Always, down for the ride. But your, joy ride just came down in flames 'Cause your mistakes put me in shame. Never, saw it coming, All of, your backstabbing. Just so, you could cash in On a good thing before I realized your game. I heard, you're going around playing, the victim now But don't, even begin feeling I'm the one to blame. 'Cause you dug your own grave after all of the fights and the lies. Yes, you wanted to harm me but that won't work anymore, no more, oh no, it's over. How could this man I thought I knew Turn out to be unjust so cruel. Could only see the good in you. Pretended not to see the truth. You tried to hide your lies. disguiseD yourself Through living in denial. But in the end you'll see you wont stop me. I am not gonna stop. There is no turning back I've had enough. 'Cause if it wasn't for all of your tortur
I wouldn't know how to be this way now, and never back down
So I wanna say thank you 'Cause it makes me that much stronger
Makes me work a little bit harder
Makes me that much wiser
So thanks for making me a fighter
Made me learn a little bit faster
Made my skin a little bit thicker
It makes me that much smarter
So thanks for making me a fighter

yes, this is my lesson learned.

Book of Morrissey

And when you're standing on my fingers
Can you see it in your heart ? ... ah ...
And when you try to break my spirit
It won't work because there's nothing left to break
Anymore
-- Speedway,
Morrissey, Vauxhall and I, 1994

learning my lessons

i cant stop crying.

Strage dreams make you think

i had a dream last night, it was strange: after most of the south was destroyed by a hurricane and the west coast were destroyed by firers due to the very dry conditions and much dead foliage, while conversely a few months later leading into the winter the upper east coast would be hit by the hurricane and many blizzards. we, midwest, dealt with storms and too much rain, and melting snow from above. something broke and the Midwest slowly drowned. i never saw and area flooded above knee level, but there was no dry land to be seen. from what i could recall the rest of the world was still dealing with what ever previous problems they had just the US had gotten hit particularly hard this season. it was a very hot winter for the US, drying the west but a hurricane caused unusually major storms on the east. after the night which we were flooded we obviously couldnt drive places (or get gas from eclectic pumps) and there was no electricity. we moved back to the middle of the city. every one thought the world ended but now no one knew anything out of there own eyesight. the no electricity was the most devastating thing, it ended all forms of modern civilizations. we still went to school though the only place that was dried and cleaned (for some refugees), and continued with an unusually sense of normality. and in one of our more flooded classes we all realized that we would have to write out our papers because there was no such thing as computers any more and go to the library, the water destroyed the plants and wiring beyond repair for the entire city so we would never be able to get electricity. i remember the biggest inconvenience was not being able to charge my cell phone or my ipod (quit upset, would could resort back to everything else but they were now useless and i knew my favorite songs i would never hear again which devastated me). one of the more unusual out comes of this was i got all new friends, with out phone or email and such it was impossible to communicate with old pals, instead the people in my classes became my only friends (they had the same problem with never seeing there other buddies again) so if they were bored they just invited our class of 7 for a party. i think that was one of the more unusual microsocial change. it was a different dream that just made me think.

Book of Morrissey

Oh ... sweetness, sweetness, I was only joking
When I said by rights you should be bludgeoned in your bed
-- Bigmouth Strikes Again,
The Smiths, The Queen Is , 1986

Feild trip

I was able to go to the zoo yesterday, wahoo. I hadn’t been there in a long time and for those of you who don’t know, Omaha has the second largest zoo in country. Its actually quit state of the art… more so because there were elevators everywhere so I never had to climb a hill (that was especially good for omar, whos goal went from seein the big kitties to finding the closest bench). It was a pretty good time, i saw the bear, caves, SNAKES, and penguins, my favorite. it was perfect weather, which was to my surprise that nothing even went horribly wrong, like getting mauled by an emu. The best part was the zoo was almost totally empty (hmm, well maybe that wasn’t such a good thing because I though about jumping into the cage of sea lions on more than one occasion). But there was no ugly s, no annoying kids or nothing. It was cool and we left an hour after the zoo closed, most of the employees had even gone but I was getting my moneys worth! After that I ate at Zestos (Mmmmm) and was served by a kid with delightful turrets. i had a big footlong hot dog. Well, I had one after I had to sit and watch two get eaten by O while I was starving (yea that’s right two foot long, I know). But when I finally got mine I devoured it:-) I was actually a lot more messy than I planned and practiced for. I had beef chilly cheese smeared across the back of my hand, nose and jammed in my finger nails and caught in my cuticles which I could not get out! I was almost forced to get a manicure after that episode but with a lot of trimming and scraping I got ride of most the beef stains. ymm, quick sout out if your ever in town stop by Zesto's right by the Zoo, its a Omaha land mark.

Quote

"Call the police, i am being taken by the police!"
~Terry, Reno 911

Look Into It

This is an oldie but a goody. I was watch a special on Kanye West (a past Look Into It person) and he was listing off inspirations for his latest album, Late Registration. Two names were mentioned (and very unusual for a rapper to know who these are), the producer form the first pheona apple CD, and an English band called Portishead. I had the privilege of getting their album last spring. It was called Dummy and has been around for a while I love it slow, seductive, melancholy and definitely not what you would expect a rapper to listen to. Its perfect for lying down watch a large storm come in and reading good poetry (like Poe). Look into it, its amazing.

Popular Poetry

This is a change of pace from my usual more modern poetry its a classic and my absolut favorite of Edger Allen Poe. its always a good read for a stormy night...
The Tell Tale Heart
TRUE! --nervous --very, very dreadfully nervous I had been and am; but why will you say that I am mad? The disease had sharpened my senses --not destroyed --not dulled them. Above all was the sense of hearing acute. I heard all things in the heaven and in the earth. I heard many things in hell. How, then, am I mad? Hearken! and observe how healthily --how calmly I can tell you the whole story.
It is impossible to say how first the idea entered my brain; but once conceived, it haunted me day and night. Object there was none. Passion there was none. I loved the old man. He had never wronged me. He had never given me insult. For his gold I had no desire. I think it was his eye! yes, it was this! He had the eye of a vulture --a pale blue eye, with a film over it. Whenever it fell upon me, my blood ran cold; and so by degrees --very gradually --I made up my mind to take the life of the old man, and thus rid myself of the eye forever.
Now this is the point. You fancy me mad. Madmen know nothing. But you should have seen me. You should have seen how wisely I proceeded --with what caution --with what foresight --with what dissimulation I went to work! I was never kinder to the old man than during the whole week before I killed him. And every night, about midnight, I turned the latch of his door and opened it --oh so gently! And then, when I had made an opening sufficient for my head, I put in a dark lantern, all closed, closed, that no light shone out, and then I thrust in my head. Oh, you would have laughed to see how cunningly I thrust it in! I moved it slowly --very, very slowly, so that I might not disturb the old man's sleep. It took me an hour to place my whole head within the opening so far that I could see him as he lay upon his bed. Ha! would a madman have been so wise as this, And then, when my head was well in the room, I undid the lantern cautiously-oh, so cautiously --cautiously (for the hinges creaked) --I undid it just so much that a single thin ray fell upon the vulture eye. And this I did for seven long nights --every night just at midnight --but I found the eye always closed; and so it was impossible to do the work; for it was not the old man who vexed me, but his Evil Eye. And every morning, when the day broke, I went boldly into the chamber, and spoke courageously to him, calling him by name in a hearty tone, and inquiring how he has passed the night. So you see he would have been a very profound old man, indeed, to suspect that every night, just at twelve, I looked in upon him while he slept... (cont.)

Quote

"Smile today!because a crazy man gave pretty, pretty flowers..."

questions

i have been messing around with my blog and the scroll bar off to the right of the screen has been coming up blank (my links and such). do you guys see it?

Look Into It

The new, or rather i should say 'old,' Fiona Apple CD. this was actually done a year ago but the record companies tried to hold the cd to do remixes and the original will not be released. i would suggest looking into the originals, a copy has just recently fell into my hands and i love it, called extraordinary machine. its different sounding and not popy or 'cut valued radio play' (it has to be listen to as a whole). But if anyone wants a copy ill give it to you. It almost 1950's musical/vaudeville sounding, and stunning lyrics. It's very unique and worth a listen.

Gifts

I have a mini ipod!!!I have a mini ipod!!!I have a mini ipod!!!I have a mini ipod!!!I have a mini ipod!!!I have a mini ipod!!!I have a mini ipod!!!
thank you Chadwick

Book of Morrissey

Last night I felt real arms around me
No hope, no harm, just another false alarm
-- Last Night I Dreamt That Somebody Loved Me,
The Smiths, Strangeways Here We Come, 1987

My Party

Well, I made it and with a few stories under my belt now… like when an ambulance rolled me out of a Walgreen’s at 2:00 am in Iowa.
lets start from the beginning shall we. With everything going down like it has been, I had plenty of reason to drink. Most of my 21 and over friends had canceled (what nice friends) maybe it was for the best I got to hang out with all my good friends all at once. It was a different experience, my college friends met my high school friends and my high school friends got to meet my grade school friends. It was a fun experience I was worried that not everyone would get along or every ones social anxiety would kick in at once. But they all intermingled together nicely. So we went restaurant hopping in the down town, Old Chicago, Michaels, Ms Pub and I downed whatever drink I could. Later my two sisters (and a husband) and one friend took me up to the bar and I said my last good byes to my underaged friends. At the bar I was given a few to many shots and made stupid comments, “I am not drunkted”. And another friend showed up. The bar closed and I was left puking in an alley. At this point in time I am drunk but still responsive and functioning, just stupid. I had set up a ride to a friends house before hand and she would come and take care of me. But I think sam kinda forgot or fell asleep. My sisters wanted me to come home with them but I was not going to let m
my parents see me in this condition and I would receive better attention at sams (maybe).
so my friend was going to drive me to sams, maybe not the best idea but I didn’t really know what was going on. This is when it starts to become a blur, some time along the way my friends decided to go to Iowa instead of taking me to bed. (NOT GOOD I am puking and tired). I guess she takes me to a walgreens and lets me puke there. So she is being a little tipsy and dramatic and calls 911. then, I really have no idea what is going on because I remember them coming and putting me on a stretcher and apparently I thought they were cops. I get to the hospital and the do test with my "its my birthday, do u wanna me?" button and my blood alcohol level is still good and am still aware. So eventually my dad comes to get me and I walk back out to the car i dont know who i am going to pay for the ablulance tho. So, they did not need to pump my stomach or anything and I was happy cause I could FINALLY sleep (I tried that on the street and rest room). so we get home I throw up and go down stairs to the basement to sleep on my back, with no one else on the floor, and I just got done puking. I wasn’t checked up on until later that morning, which scared me a little bit. and o start off the dinner the next night my tells stories of things he did in the waiting room waiting for his hollow son who got drunk for some reason and then I got a long talk from my mother. So my birthday was embarrassing to say the least and not for any of the good normal reasons. I guess I felt disappointed in everyone’s judgment, I tried my hardest to be responsible, set everything up because this would be the one day I just let go. good thing i was still reponsible and remebered most of it, i would have hated to think where i'd be if i passed out or somthing.

Shout out: thanks to, Tony, Jimmy, Gooch, Mandy, Callie, Zach, Carry, Dan, Amy, Sara, Dave and Brian (you bought me a three wise men). ps all my pictures were deleted except for this one.

Celebrate

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME
THIS IS MY BIG 21!

last minute concert saves lives

So in a sad bout of depression, after haveing most my friends cancel on me for my 21st birthday, seeing the school of my choice that I failed to attend showingly splattered across my television and newspapers (Tommy Lee goes to college), a recent emotional drain (that is all I will say about that, too much is happening to fit on this poor blog) and I have no job, which makes me feel worthless. It was one of those time where your hurt and not sure if your going to make it (sorry for the lack of elaboration). But there was hope around the corner, because you got to have ‘Faint.’ I found that my sis was going to the faint concert which I had tried but it was sold out. I was previously bumed out because I had missed the bright eyes concert, Fatty concert and the Killers concert all plans had fallen through (which seems to be a tragic trend and maybe a big reason for my lack of happiness). But I made it to this one and it blew me away! One of the best concerts I have been to in one of the best locations. Sokol is a music legend, even for the country the heart and soul of sattel creek this is what gives us our independent edge and one of the most renowned under ground music scenes. It was incredible, and lifted my spirits. I had my last illegal drink there and my first legal. Cheers! Here is to good music good friends and good times (all ill ever need to over come sadness).










i have more pics if you want to see them.

Book of Morrissey

I know it's over and it never really began
But in my heart it was so real
-- I Know It’s Over,
The Smiths, The Queen Is , 1986

So... i found a new sport to play

i figured you boys might like this new sport, but first do you know its name or the goal?


















































































answer: Its a sport call 'Turkish Wrestleing' where the men oil up, grab or thrust each other and try to pull off of stick their hands down their rival's pants. and might i remind that Turkey is renouned for being the worst place for gy men. but i must say i am a fan now.

Book of Morrissey

Two lovers entwined pass me by
And heaven knows I'm miserable now
-- Heaven Knows I’m Miserable Now,
The Smiths, Louder Than s, 1987

Ramble Ramble ramble

grr! i dont kno what to say or think- you tell me, at this point i have found my link to a little stress, maybe i should stop going on those UNL tours
no one dare exclaim why you can see why

Book of Morrissey

I do believe that the more you give your love
And I do believe that the more you give your trust
And the more you give your love
The more you're bound to lose
-- Found Found Found,
Morrissey, Kill Uncle, 1991

Quote of the Week

"In Belgium they say, a rainy day brings good luck."
~Words from my favorite bench
Recently, i have noticed that the benches in Omaha have been changing, they have gone from advertisement to art. I noticed this one day when i was down town sad and alone looking around and my eye wondered to bench taht was gray and alone with this quote on it. It peaked my interest and i began looking around and found that these have started popping up around Omaha. It has slowly become something to do when we are bored now, go bench marking. If ever in Omaha keep your eyes out for them, no one has ever seemed to notice. Bench Marks Photos.
this is my favorite bench, on Jackson street south of the old market.

The Official 'West O' Rap

Finally, a song that all those g-thug wannabe J Crew wearing preppy poser punks with sideways golf visors to blast out their $2,500 speakers in the little red foreign cars that daddy bought and not look asinine. I am sick of living here it is driving me insane, but now instead of hearing kings of crunk out of mini vans/coopers/sport cars/anything maybe they can listen to this and sympathize (and is equally annoying). This is so the west o rap...

I’m drinkin’ a soy latte, I get a double shoté
It goes right through my body and you know I’m
satisfied
I drive my mini Cooper and I’m feeling super-duper
Yo’, they tell I’m a trooper and you know I’m
satisfied
I do yoga and Pilates and the room is full of hotties
So I’m checkin’ out the bodies and you know I’m
satisfied
I’m diggin’ on the isotopes, this metaphysics s*** is
dope
And if all this can give me hope you know I’m
satisfied
I got a lawyer and a manager, an agent and a chef
Three nannies, an assistant and a driver and a jet
A trainer and a butler and a bodyguard or five
A gardener and a stylist, do you think I’m satisfied
I’d like to express my extreme point of view
I’m not a Christian and I’m not a Jew
I’m just livin’ out the American dream
And I just realized that nothin’ is what it seems

A song to explain

Every one must listen to "Haning Around" by Counting Crows from "This desert life" (if you dont have look into getting it!)

"And last night I had something so good
These days get so long and I have nothing to do

I’ve been hanging around this town on a corner
I’ve been bummin’ around this old town for way too long
I’ve been hanging around this town on a corner
I’ve been bummin’ around this old town for way too long

We spent all day getting sober
Just hiding from the daylight
And watching tv
It just look a lot better in the blue light
Well you know I gotta get out
But I’m stuck so tight
Weighed by the chains that keep me

I’ve been hanging around this town on a corner
I’ve been bummin’ around this old town for way too long..."

Wedding Crashers

My sister on her Wedding Day

The Chocolate Fountain

The Reception

My Sis Amy, Jobey, and "team mate" Matt (we dont know the relationship status).

My Cousins, Sauny and Shayla

Me preparing for my DJ gig, and dealing with relatives.

Book of Morrissey

There's a club, if you'd like to go
You could meet somebody who really loves you
So you go, and you stand on your own
And you leave on your own
And you go home, and you cry
And you want to die
-- How Soon Is Now?,
The Smiths, Meat Is , 1985

Popular Poetry

I have mentiond her in high esteem before and felt it only fair to show a segement of her work. As i have mentioned before her provacative work was almost liquidated by popes and various leaders, but her impact was so immense that it traveld the globe and was impossible to destroy. There are only peices and fragments left to translate, but recently a 12 lyric poem of hers was found in a egyptian tomb and was almost complete, close to 12 lyrics long.

Ode to a Loved One
By Sappho

BLEST as the immortal gods is she,
The youth who fondly sits by thee,
And hears and sees thee, all the while,
Softly speaks and sweetly smile.

'Twas this deprived my soul of rest,
And raised such tumults in my breast;
For, while I gazed, in transport tossed,
My breath was gone, my voice was lost;

My bosom glowed; the subtle flame
Ran quick through all my vital frame;
O'er my dim eyes a darkness hung;
My ears with hollow murmurs rung;

In dewy damps my limbs were chilled;
My blood with gentle horrors thrilled:
My feeble pulse forgot to play;
I fainted, sunk, and died away.

Public Pamphlet on Blog Depression

I found this bogging around and thought it to be funny and true. its great advice and hits saddly close to home.